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More Pearls, Swine
- On America and Rome–and Dr. Pimple Popper
- Rocky Mountain High in . . . Texas? Not Yet (Redux)
- A Gander Ahead at 2019, the Year of the Goiter
- Sorry, It’s Too Late to Say ‘Don’t Have a Cow’
- My Plea: A Moratorium on Facebook ‘Thoughts & Prayers’
- Meet Richard Gregory Fump–Futurist, Inventor, Humanist Extraordinaire
- Bigly, Bigly Shakeups in My Own Personal White House
- Wanna Know Who You Really Are? Spit Here.
- Ya Wanted More Fernie, Ya Got More Fernie
- And Now, United Airlines’ New Theme Song!
- When the Bra Comes Off, the Day Is Done
- Lit Lovers Rejoice! Sir Archie Ferndoodle Rides Again.
And Now, United Airlines’ New Theme Song!
12 AprAnnouncer voice-over
“In light of United Airlines, shall we say, unique passenger accommodation policies, here with the company’s new theme, is United CEO Oscar Munoz:”
Munoz (with bat in hand)
(to the tune of “Jet Airliner” by Steve Miller)
(verse 1)
“You’re leavin’ home, tickets in hand
But the plane is full,
We got the right to throw you out on yer can,
And we just might crack yer skull.”
(verse 2)
“Your home might seem so far away,
And you feel like a wrong has been done,
But you silly customers have to make way
Because United staff is number one.”
(chorus)
“Ohh, on United jet airliners,
Be careful which seat you buy,
You may end up with quite a shiner,
But be sure to fly the friendly skies.”
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