Did You Remember Siblings Day? Hmm?

by Roger White  

 

I generally make it a point to remember special occasions and days that have deep meaning to those around me. Ya know, like our kids’ birthdays, our anniversary, Bulk Trash Pickup Day, Hunter S. Thompson’s birthday, Texas Independence Day, Saturday. However, a special occasion sneaked up on me the other day and clonked me on the cranium. I think it left a scar. I was greeted with a hale and hearty “Happy Siblings Day!” by my older sister Karen. And verily I say, I was flummoxed. Gobsmacked even. Smacked right in the gob.

Siblings Day? First of all, is that the best term they could come up with for one’s brothers and sisters? Siblings. The word puts me in mind of little, tiny baby otters not quite formed into otters yet, so they have to stay back in the otter nest until their appendages grow and form into real otter appendages. You can just hear the National Geographic voice-over guy in his proper British accent as the camera zooms in on the otter nest: “Here you see the unformed neophyte otters—siblings as they are known—struggling to find nourishment…”

 

Anyway. I had no idea that April 10 was National Siblings Day. Did you? I felt immediately guilty for not remembering it, and then I felt immediately embarrassed by thinking my leg was being yanked upon. So I looked it up, and lo, spake thus Google:

“Siblings Day (sometimes called National Siblings Day or National Sibling Day) is a holiday recognized annually in some parts of the United States on April 10, honoring the relationships of siblings. Unlike Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, it is not federally recognized, though the Siblings Day Foundation is working to change this.”

 

The Siblings Day Foundation? Something tells me this whole kaboodle is underwritten by Hallmark greeting cards. Hallmark was surely the brains behind Grandparents’ Day and Children’s Day, too. I must chortle. Children’s Day? EVERY DAY is Children’s Day!

 

Again, anyway. I apologized to my older sister Karen for not commemorating uh, Siblings Day, and therewith wished her the happiest of uh, Siblings Days. My oldest sister, Kathy, did likewise. I figured, ya know, being siblings, we should celebrate like siblings should. So I sent Karen a photo of some chewed gum. In all my childhood days with middle sister Karen, the memory that stands head and shoulders above them all is that Karen would become violently ill at the sight of chewed gum. No one knows why. But Karen and I fought like rabid weasels when we were kids—and vestiges remain. I figured it was appropriate.

 

She returned the favor with a copy of that damned photo of me urinating in their closet during a sleepwalking episode from my prepubescent days of high anxiety. Well played, Sis. Well played.

 

So. My point is this: I forget. No, wait. Do your best to stay apprised of upcoming days of commemoration and specialness. Or something. To help you along, I give you the upcoming special days of April:

 

• April 15 is Income Tax Filing Deadline (ITFD). Send your accountant a nice, handy implement. Like a spatula or an earthworm. If you don’t have an accountant, go to the TurboTax website and under “Contact Us” insert the link to the Charlie the Unicorn video. They will appreciate this.

 

• April 15 is also Father Damien Day, observed in Hawaii. On April 15, 1889, Father Damien died of leprosy on the island of Molokai. He cared for sufferers of this disease and continued his missionary work on the island until he was little more than a shrunken torso. Damien was also the Son of Satan, as portrayed in “The Omen.” Connection?

 

• April 18 is Patriots’ Day in Maine and Massachusetts. Patriots’ Day marks the battles of Lexington and Concord, which were fought near Boston in 1775. Patriots’ Day should not be confused with New England Patriots Day, which celebrates the under-inflating of footballs and stealing of opposing teams’ signals during any given Pats game.

 

• April 21 is San Jacinto Day, celebrated here in ol’ Tejas. If you don’t know what San Jacinto Day is, then you need to move to Oklahoma.

 

• April 22, speaking of, is Oklahoma Day, observed at Barry Switzer’s house. We need to do more research on this occasion, but I think it involves great stacks of $20 bills and brand new Corvettes.

 

• April 25 is Confederate Memorial Day in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, and Mississippi. This is the day that 17 rednecks, all cousins, get together and celebrate the last vestiges of slavery by yelling “Yeehaw!” at the top of their lungs and shooting shotguns at small mammals.

• April 29 is Orthodox Good Friday. It is also Arbor Day, which is observed as a state holiday in Nebraska, where they worship the one tree that grows in the state of Nebraska in a field in Hickman, south of Lincoln.

• April 30 is the last day of Passover. What I know about Passover involves hiding matzoh crackers and drinking wine. I do know some of the Jewish food of the Passover season is darn good. My wife concedes that gefilte fish is basically the Jewish Spam, but don’t knock the matzoh ball soup.

 

Roger White is a freelance writer living in Austin with his lovely wife, two precocious daughters, a mildly obese dachshund, and a middle-aged cat with Esptein Barr Syndrome. For more of “This Old Spouse,” visit www.oldspouse.wordpress.com.