Have I Got a Contest for You. Haven’t I?

19 Aug

by Roger White  


Calm down, people. I hear you. I want you to know that Spouseman pays attention. Of late, I have been completely inundated with an e-mail asking when I was going to run another contest. Look, I don’t have to get bonked over the head. That e-mail I got last Thursday represents fully one-half of my readership, so believe me, I sat up and took notice.

And, yes, it has been awhile. But after the near-riot and round of nasty lawsuits regarding results of the last reader contest, I have been a bit skittish. Nevertheless, if you’re ready—and not in the same litigious mood—here we go.

I figured we’d have a Hollywood theme this go-round, you know, to commemorate the upcoming Academy Awards (which will be doled out in February 2013—pracitically around the corner, sort of). So what we’ve got here is what I call the Movie Mashup. I took iconic quotes and words from two different movies and squished them together in one quote. Get it? Here’s an example: “Let my people walk here! We’re walking here!” That’s obviously a conglomeration of The Ten Commandments and Midnight Cowboy. Dig? Oh, and, hey, this is my invention, so you need written permission to duplicate. I have a big-city lawyer and everything. He offices in the strip mall behind the laundromat.

So. I present to you, my Klem Kadiddlehoppers, twenty Movie Mashups. What you have to do, if you so choose, is figure out what two movies collided to make each quote. Send your answers to me at rogdude@mail.com or This Old Spouse, 4804 Canyonwood Drive, Austin, Texas 78735. First three correct entries win a very cool bumper sticker and miniature college football helmet of my choosing. Hey, times are tough. Consider yourself lucky to win anything. Sheesh. OK, here goes:

1. “Life is like a box of plastics.”

2. “Nobody can eat fifty fava beans.”

3. “It’s a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with McFly.”

4. “Love means never having to see dead people.”

5. “I love the smell of wire hangers in the morning. Smells like…victory.”

6. “Open the pod bay doors, Mr. Tibbs.”

7. “Do or do not. There is no try, Toto.”

8. “Nobody puts Atticus in a corner.”

9. “You take the blue Rosebud, the story ends, you wake up in your bed, and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red Rosebud, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”

10. “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, Mrs. Robinson walks into mine.”

11. “We’re gonna need a bigger shrubbery.”

12. “What is it, Ripley? Is it the cooking, the cleaning, the crying?”

13. “Say hello to my little ultra-violent droogie-woogs!”

14. “What is it you want, Mary? You want Wilson? Just say the word, and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Wilson! Wilson, I’m sorry!”

15. “They’re probably watching me. Well, let them. Let them see what kind of a person I am. I’m not even going to swat that damn dirty ape.”

16. “Yo, all work and no play makes Rocky a dull boy.”

17. “You know how to whistle, don’t you, Scarlett? Frankly, you just put your lips together and blow.”

18. “E.T. phone Shane. Shane, come back!”

19. “Tell them to go out there with all they got and win just one for Bond. James Bond.”

20. “Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of Soylent Green, huh?”


Roger White is a freelance writer living in Austin, Texas, with his lovely wife, two precocious daughters, a very fat dachshund, and a self-absorbed cat. For further adventures, visit oldspouse.wordpress.com.



One Response to “Have I Got a Contest for You. Haven’t I?”

  1. LG September 6, 2012 at 6:39 am #

    That was really creative! There were about 7 references I didn’t know. Thanks!

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