A Day at Six Flags or Waterboarding? Tough One

22 Mar

 by Roger White

Spring break was winding down and nothing of major importance in the house had been destroyed, the trees in our front yard had remained free of toilet paper, the police had not been called all week to my knowledge, and no one near and dear to me had been injured, died, gotten pregnant, or been hauled to the slammer, so as a reward the wife and I decided to take our lovely daughter and a friend of hers to the nearest Six Flags amusement park. Sweet Jehoshaphat, what a knucklehead idea that was.

First off, it was the last official weekday of spring break. And it is common knowledge that every set of parents in the United States, Canada, Mexico, and some regions of Guatemala clings to the belief that a weekday at a major amusement park will be considerably less crowded than a weekend day. We all truly think that we’re the crafty ones and will outsmart all those dimwits who go to the park on a Saturday or Sunday. Hence, everyone piles into the park on that final Friday, making the Six Flags experience not unlike rush hour on a Shanghai subway.

Using this reasoning, I would bet good money that the park is largely abandoned on any given Saturday. But don’t quote me on that.

Anyway, we elbowed our way in after almost an hour at the front gate only to find that waiting time for 99.38 percent of the rides was approximately three weeks. Additionally, lines for the bathrooms, concession stands, souvenir shops, park benches, first-aid stations, oxygen tents, and suicide counselors stretched from west San Antonio to one block from the Alamo. Just about the time we realized this, we body-surfed the crowd to a place called the Flash Pass Booth.

Are you aware of what’s transpiring at your friendly amusement park these days? For a fee—and I mean a big, fat fee—you can essentially pay to cut in line. And yes, the line to buy one of these legal cheating devices was down the hall, around the block, and straight on ’til morning. I fully expect within the next year or so that the corporate minds at Six Flags will open another booth at which you may purchase a Flash Pass to cut in line at the Flash Pass Booth. And so on.

Get this, they even have levels of cheating. A Standard Flash Pass is not much better than the common rabble. With a Gold Pass, you move darn close to the front of the line. Platinum—well, you’re practically Charlie Sheen here. You can ride twice in a row, kick dirt in the face of one schmuck of your choice still waiting in line, and get your shoes shined while you ride. I predict the eventuality of the Michael Jackson Pass or some such, wherein you own the damn park and can tell everyone to get lost. This pass, of course, will cost you approximately the Gross National Product of Great Britain.

The whole concept sickened me—almost to the point where we didn’t get one.

For a good chunk of our daughter’s college fund, we were given a handheld doodad that looked something like a blood-pressure monitor. In fact, it would be a good idea if this thing could double as one. Mind you, the wife and I passed on the Flash Pass; however, we didn’t want our daughter’s last official weekday of spring break to be spent standing in one spot in the hot sun for countless hours—which is basically what prisoners of war undergo. So off Lindsey and her friend went, happily cutting in line with the full consent and gratitude of park authorities. A democracy this wasn’t.

Now, it’s important that I mention here that to ensure that we didn’t run off with their precious Flash Pass device, the smiling Six Flags people held my driver’s license for the duration of our visit. Why is this important? Because lo and behold, after a nerve-wracking afternoon working our way through a jam of humanity more bunched together and hostile than a South American soccer match, my wife and I decided it was time for a nice, cold adult beverage. Ahh.

So, then we stood in line for a half-hour at the nice, cold adult beverage stand—only to discover that to purchase a nice, cold adult beverage, you MUST HAVE YOUR I.D. No exceptions. Not even for the Flash Pass doodad, which you leveraged your daughter’s future against to purchase in the first place. Plus I haven’t been carded since the Nixon Administration! Are you getting the picture of our day at the Disneyland of the Great Southwest?

After a short interim of choice, creative words at various decibel levels, I marched to our car (parked near the Alamo) to retrieve my wife’s I.D. Then and only then, after another 45 minutes at yet another libation station, did we get to sit down in the shade (night was falling by now), my wife with a luscious margarita, and me with a $9.50 Budweiser. At this point, price was no object. I would have sold my mother for a beer.

And now the topper. Just as we toasted one another with a long, heavy sigh, our daughter joined us, and in her exuberance, promptly spilled my wife’s frozen concoction all over the table. Oh well, there’s always Schlitterbahn.

 

Roger White is a freelance writer living in Austin, Texas, with his lovely wife, two precocious daughters, a very fat daschund, and a self-absorbed cat. For further adventures, visit oldspouse.wordpress.com.

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65 Responses to “A Day at Six Flags or Waterboarding? Tough One”

  1. Trinity River March 22, 2011 at 3:03 pm #

    I used to love Six Flags. When I was kid and had more stamina and patience. Haven’t been in 30 years for the very reasons you have pointed out. I’d rather be dragged behind a truck.

  2. CF March 22, 2011 at 3:05 pm #

    fuuuuny stuff — I’m feeling your pain and not missing those asphalt jungle days one little bit!

  3. pm March 22, 2011 at 3:09 pm #

    Holy crap, it’s all too true – I had the same vuja-de experience last August…a weekday at the end of summer so my boys could enjoy a good old fashioned amusement park experience with a friend each. $270 dollars for one really long day and a few really expensive beers. I actually bought a beer for a mom (nowhere near the carding age either) who was almost in tears because her ID was out in the car too.

    • Mikalee Byerman March 25, 2011 at 8:45 am #

      You were her beer angel! That’s about the sweetest thing I’ve ever read!

      😉

  4. amblerangel March 23, 2011 at 2:36 pm #

    When I take my kids to these places I’m tempted to tap the local drug dealer before going….

  5. The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife March 24, 2011 at 9:32 am #

    lol! So true! We were at Chicago’s Six Flags two summers ago, and LOVED the Gold Pass. Great memories were created with my parents that day 🙂

  6. Mikalee Byerman March 24, 2011 at 9:33 am #

    Holy crap…you’re absolutely right. I’m planning a trip to Disneyland on the last “official” week of Spring Break: Tuesday through Saturday. I need to rearrange to Saturday-Sunday, right?

    AWESOME insight…thank you!

    😉

  7. oghello March 24, 2011 at 9:35 am #

    I was new in the world of bloggers so please guidance yes

  8. Katie Gou March 24, 2011 at 9:38 am #

    What a guy! Your bank balance may have reached new lows but your Dad status just reached new heights. Sounds like you had a day to remember (albeit for the wrong reasons)!

  9. blackshepherd March 24, 2011 at 9:42 am #

    come to Boston…I’ll sling you all around New England for a palty (to be negotiated…but it’ll be paltry…I assure you) fee. I know where all the pot holes are. We can joust with cabbies, chase ducks in the flower gardens, insult people to your heart’s content in Boston Common…or anywhere…it’s a regional sport. Then we can take the fast ferry to Provincetown in 90 minutes and that place is packed with people, all of whom are veterans of being made fun of and hardly notice but if they do they won’t take you seriously…but that’s the fun part…just trust you guide….if you’d like to tour in my new/used R/V all you have to do is get it on the road for me cause we have the best amusement ride in the whole world called Department of Motor Vehicles…we could go there…no special passes needed to wait fruitlessly forever…essentially I”m in line there now even as I write this in my underwear at home…so come!!! Try the great Northeast…you’ll love the cold too…I’m sure….

  10. glanzerr March 24, 2011 at 9:49 am #

    Well said!

    I worked in an amusement park for four summers, and one time I encountered a female guest who absolutely lost her mind for the same reasons you described. I was working in the waterpark area, selling keys to lockers. It was 100 degrees, and the line stretched further than I could see. A disheveled woman and her tag-along husband, pulling a wagon and lugging several bags of towels and swim suits, and three kids finally got to the front of the line for a locker key. “That’ll be seven dollars,” I said. The woman absolutely lost her mind. Profanities were screamed, items were thrown. “We’re leaving this damn place and never coming back!” she said. “Seven dollars to store my belongings so they don’t get stolen while we swim?!!!” I didn’t have the chance to tell her she would get $5 back when she returned the key.

  11. Ava Aston's Muckery March 24, 2011 at 10:08 am #

    I love amusement parks and I loved reading your account of your recent experience. Both are a lot of fun. Congrats on being freshly crushed at Six Flags and surviving it and now for Freshly Pressed on WordPress.

    Blessings,

    Ava
    xox

  12. Fox@n March 24, 2011 at 10:08 am #

    I love six flags even though im very afraid of heights lol great post.

  13. therealmanslist March 24, 2011 at 10:22 am #

    Waterboarding for parents, best memories for kids. Platinum Flash Pass for the win!

  14. charlywalker March 24, 2011 at 10:43 am #

    We lived in Los Angeles and the only time my children ever visited the overpriced Giant amusement centers was on a week day during the dead of winter…..

    The only difference was the bottled water was a dollar cheaper and Goofey and Pluto were off to college….

    Love your post!

    spread the humor: charlywalker.wordpress.com

  15. PCC Advantage March 24, 2011 at 10:47 am #

    Oh, I feel for you! I can understand the frustration as I’ve gone through that many times before at my local amusement park. The lines and the amount of people there just make me want to rip my hair out…or someone else’s. 😉

    Glad you survived!

  16. myra22 March 24, 2011 at 10:54 am #

    Love the post! Hilarious!! I could almost feel the sweat sliding down my face as I stood in the hot sun with you and the wife, minus the college tuition fund. Blech. I never was a fan of amusement parks.

  17. J Roycroft March 24, 2011 at 11:17 am #

    We no longer can enjoy Six Flags here in Atlanta because of the gang bang culture that surrounds the park. Great post and congrats on FP

  18. newsy1 March 24, 2011 at 11:27 am #

    When my kids were young we would hit Great America, Wisconsin Dells, Busch Gardens etc. I do not miss those times at all. It’s like an entertainment rat race that I just couldn’t wait to get out of.

  19. Judy March 24, 2011 at 11:42 am #

    “Anyway, we elbowed our way in after almost an hour at the front gate only to find that waiting time for 99.38 percent of the rides was approximately three weeks. Additionally, lines for the bathrooms, concession stands, souvenir shops, park benches, first-aid stations, oxygen tents, and suicide counselors stretched from west San Antonio to one block from the Alamo. Just about the time we realized this, we body-surfed the crowd to a place called the Flash Pass Booth.”

    hahaha!

    Holy crap that’s the most hilarious thing I have read in a while. I loved your article! I guess I like reading the humor of others pain. I’m glad I never went through that. Well done! loved it!

  20. eva626 March 24, 2011 at 12:04 pm #

    six flags all the way! i just love heights and roller coasters!!! i wish theyd hie me to try or test out roller coasters..id so take the job!

  21. notesfromrumbleycottage March 24, 2011 at 12:24 pm #

    Thank you for reminding me why I avoid those places. Congrats on being freshly pressed.

  22. writerdood March 24, 2011 at 12:33 pm #

    I had a similar experience at Disney Land. They pull the same BS. It was during spring break two years ago. After dealing with it, I came to the conclusion that they could make money by renting “anger management kiosks” to adults. In the privacy of these kiosks, you would be allowed to take a baseball bat to various rubber cartoon characters that ask you for a ticket through their speakers. Of course, the down side of this is that there would probably be a line for the anger kiosks. Of course, you could use a fast pass…

  23. Lakia Gordon March 24, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

    I remember the cheating pass for Six flags. One year I broke down and purchased one 😦

  24. ambermartingale March 24, 2011 at 12:39 pm #

    And it’s not much better at a state or county fair as I discivered in Junior HIgh school when a friend and I cut classes to go to the Maricopa County Fair when I lived in Arizona… .

  25. quirkyculture March 24, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

    Love your post. LOL (if you don’t know what that means, you’re older than I think you are) congrats on being FP.

  26. deanna March 24, 2011 at 1:58 pm #

    Timely – I just met someone on the plane to California who was taking her children to Six Flags. Six what? I asked. Sadly, this is all in front of me, as my children are still hovering around the Disneyland age.
    We have – craftily – booked this coming Monday and Tuesday in Disneyland, I say craftily because we are hoping most of the world will be back in school, like our children should be. I dream of a Disneyland with its golden streets empty of people save ourselves, but most likely will face lineups stretching to Palm Springs. The things we endure as parents.

  27. Evie Garone March 24, 2011 at 1:59 pm #

    Haven’t been in years and don’t miss those parks…God help you, What were you thinking?? Nice try though, what a Good father…

  28. Deanna March 24, 2011 at 2:06 pm #

    Timely – I just met someone on the plane to California who was taking her children to Six Flags. Six what? I asked. Sadly, this is all in front of me, as my children are still hovering around the Disneyland age.
    We have – craftily – booked this coming Monday and Tuesday in Disneyland, I say craftily because we are hoping most of the world will be back in school, like our children should be. I dream of a Disneyland with its golden streets empty of people save ourselves, but most likely will face lineups stretching to Palm Springs.

  29. Olivia K March 24, 2011 at 2:15 pm #

    I have printed this to use as tonight’s bedtime story (my children are 7 and 9). I am hoping it will ease the pain when they return to school on Monday and find out all of their friends went to Disneyland.

    The highlight of their spring break was a trip to the toy store and a $10 Lego set.

    Best post I have read in awhile. Thanks for the giggle.

  30. James R. Clawson March 24, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

    Always avoid spring break and any holiday that you can think of before going to Magic Mountain, Disneyland, Knots Berry Farm, etc. It can lead to a nervous breakdown and even more. I remember going to a New Years Eve bash at Universal Studios in California one year and it took I think about 2 weeks before we could get out of the parking lot when leaving to go home. I mean it was unbelievable!

  31. Chase McFadden March 24, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

    “At this point, price was no object. I would have sold my mother for a beer.” Amen. Great line and great piece.

    I know that at some point we’re going to have to do the amusement park thing with our four kids, but I’m not looking forward to it. At least it will be good writing fodder.

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

  32. Brittany Rose March 24, 2011 at 2:47 pm #

    I see that you TRULY experience the joy of theme parks!

    Also, your writing style is so captivating and humorous, that you could have caught my attention on the subject of trash bags! Loved it.

    http://hersoftlyspokenheart.wordpress.com/

  33. Unravel, Unwind March 24, 2011 at 3:04 pm #

    So I’m new here, and I’m not entirely sure such a rant is allowed on someone else’s rant.. but I’ve been fuming about this for almost a week now, and it’s comin off the chest.
    I actually made the near 45 minute drive this past Sunday – the last day of Spring Break, of course – to Six Flags over Texas. My uncle’s band had played there earlier in the day, and (though I was unable to see the performance) my family had decided to stay at the park to spend time with him (he lives 6-7 hours away) the remainder of the day. I hadn’t seen any of them in a while, so as soon as I’d finished my tasks for the day, I began what turned out to be a view into what I can only imagine as a thin hair short of Limbo. Apparently SFoTX now enforces strict dress codes regarding swimsuits, despite the fact that it was about 85-90° outside that day.
    I’m not sure about parking at other parks, but since the trolley’s weren’t making rounds right then and I was in a rush, I had to walk straight back out to BFE to change into more “acceptable” wear.
    I will admit that I had a bikini top on. While I understand the foundation behind the need for a shirt, the entire reason I wore the swim top to begin with is that a 45 minute drive, with no AC, in a 32y/o Jeep that runs hot to begin with is almost unbearable in anything else, and that particular swimwear had even been purchased at Six Flags the previous year when I’d become sweaty and uncomfortable in my t-shirt and shorts. Over the course of the summer, I never had anything said to me about covering up, whether it be at the entry gates or within the shops/eateries. It just seemed a bit strange to me.
    Honestly, when all was said and done, seeing my family is the only thing that didn’t make me want to shove a screwdriver in my eye over such a waste of time.
    It was about 4:45pm when I initially walked up to the entry lines; I didn’t make it into the park, however, until just after 6:15pm, due to being continuously redirected from one overpopulated line to the next. There was literally a man with two kids on one hip/arm combo, one kid on the other, and one on his shoulders, while his wife pushed the two others in a stroller. They all looked under the age of seven.
    Oh, yeah! Did I mention the park closed at 7 that night? -___-

    Ohman. I don’t blame you if this comment just gets deleted or what not.. it felt really good to get that off my chest, though. Lol.
    Thankss(:

  34. Mac March 24, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

    My husband and I had the same bone-headed idea on a Friday around the 4th of July. And we don’t even have kids, so I guess that makes us King and Queen of Nincompoopery. Except for the fact that because we didn’t have kids to disappoint, about half-way through the long wait just to park in the 6-Flags overfill lot, we turned around and went to a winery in Napa.

    Thanks for this, though. I haven’t laughed this hard at a post in ages. In other words, please keep putting yourself in these situations so I can have the pleasure of reading about them.

    Yours with awesome sauce,
    The Diletantte

  35. Mac March 24, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

    My husband and I had the same bone-headed idea on a Friday around the 4th of July. And we don’t even have kids, so I guess that makes us King and Queen of Nincompoopery. Except for the fact that because we didn’t have kids to disappoint, about half-way through the long wait just to park in the 6-Flags overfill lot, we turned around and went to a winery in Napa.

    Thanks for this, though. I haven’t laughed this hard at a post in ages. In other words, please keep putting yourself in these situations so I can have the pleasure of reading about them.

    Yours with awesome sauce,
    The Dilettante

  36. pinkunderbelly March 24, 2011 at 5:30 pm #

    Sweet Lord, my offspring want to go to Schlitterbahn too. Please, no, anything but that! Not just hordes of people and endless lines, but potentially contaminated water too. There’s not enough alcohol in the world.

  37. Rob March 24, 2011 at 6:13 pm #

    My favourite memories are from an amusement park.

  38. SpinnyLiberal March 24, 2011 at 7:00 pm #

    I loathe amusement parks as I am not amused. However, if I had to endure the torture for the sake of my nieces or something, I would buy the Platinum without hesitation and a lot of those margaritas. And I’d pray I can find a shady spot to drink and curse my existence.

    Congratulations on being FP!

  39. ournote2self March 24, 2011 at 8:59 pm #

    Hahaha! The things we’ll do to please our kids! I say next time you blow up a kiddie pool in your front yard and call it a day. 🙂

  40. aplaceforgracie March 24, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

    GREAT post! Here’s my tip for when to go…

    Best day I ever had at Six Flags was a weekday the first week that the kids went back to school. My friend and I sent our kids off to school, hopped in the car for the 40 minute ride to the park, and roller coastered until we were totally exhausted! Park was near empty, we rode coaster after coaster with no breaks, and then rode some more. Best day EVER! My kids were a little miffed, but they’d each been there multiple times that summer, so too bad, so sad. Lot of fun.

  41. kristinegoodfellow March 24, 2011 at 9:18 pm #

    I cannot believe I accidentally found your blog. My husband and I took our son and his friend to Six Flags for their Spring Break. (We went on Wednesday.) It’s like we are living parallel lives because my husband and I didn’t get the pass, but the teens did. After we waited for an hour and fifteen minutes for Titan and then fought a nasty crowd for over-priced drinks, we (and the kids still don’t know this) left the park, enjoyed a wonderful late lunch at Red Lobster and spent the rest of the day at the Mall and then Barnes and Noble, praying we didn’t get a call that one of them was bleeding somewhere in the park. At 10:00 we met at the prearranged space and the kids were so excited, we just let them think we had a great time, too. Shhh…don’t tell. That Flash Pass stuff is awful! AWFUL!

  42. nuclearwaffles March 24, 2011 at 11:21 pm #

    Let me say… you have an amazing sense of humor.

    But yeah… that’s about right. I haven’t been to Six Flags (or any park for that matter) in about, I guess three or four years… Seems like you have to wait for something to scare people off before you go, as horrible as that sounds. I went to Six Flags Kentucky about a week after the tower thing malfunctioned and the place was near deserted. Never spring break, rarely summer… I used to go on weekends when school was in. Six Flags, anyway. I think that, in general, Disney is probably just a bad idea. The passes for that are like, “Here. Go to this thing, get a ticket, and wait two hours before you can use it. Yes, I know you’ll wait two hours whether you use it or not. It’s just false gratification. Have fun!”

    I didn’t know you had to pay for them at Six Flags… I’d do it, but that’s just because I live in Guam and going on a roller coaster means that I’m somewhere I probably spent a fortune to get to anyway so may as well. Haha.

    So, yeah. Here’s hoping your sanity has returned. I’d have lost mine just at the thought of a $10 Budweiser.

    Thanks for the great read!

  43. makingup3000 March 24, 2011 at 11:23 pm #

    Awww yes, the lines for food is ridiculous. The amount of money you can spend there on food you could eat at a swanky restaurant for a week straight. And I don’t even think you were exagerrating in your post. I believe it all!!!

  44. Eric March 24, 2011 at 11:31 pm #

    I do not look forward to the day that I lose my innocence and see how much it cost me for my child to “enjoy” his / her day 6 flags. I personally would have made my child walk home after spilling my $20 margarita, but then again, I don’t have kids…of course.

  45. stylistnc March 24, 2011 at 11:51 pm #

    Oh geez, and my husband was trying to convince me to take my daughter and friends on the friday last week of our spring break saying Saturday would be too crowded. After reading your post I think I’ll do Saturday.

  46. mybakingempire March 25, 2011 at 12:24 am #

    Brilliantly written. It reminds me of the last time I went to Disneyland… always on the hottest, most crowded day of the year, eh? Really great post!

  47. richannkur March 25, 2011 at 1:40 am #

    Congrats on being freshly pressed.

  48. Jackie Paulson 1966 March 25, 2011 at 1:54 am #

    I just want to add, I live literally 5 minutes from SIX FLAGS in ILLINOIS. I use to love it too. I had no idea of all the changes. I wish they would go bankrupt. The hiring process is so messed up that even I would never work there. I worked there in 1983-1986. It was Six Flags Great America a great company. I am 44 now and would never attempt this crazy day as you did. The expense is not worth it. My sister use to be a security officer there and has told me of horror stories. They do not have enough employees do you know why? They only pay 8.50 an hour. So the only people to work for that LOW wage is “no body” worth hiring. I won’t go on and on I just love your blog and will now follow it. Bless you for surviving this day. Jackie

  49. I Made You A Mixtape March 25, 2011 at 2:49 am #

    I laughed all the way through this one- I LOVE your writing. I am not a huge fan of amusement parks, and I can totally feel your pain. LOL!

  50. tlf March 25, 2011 at 4:18 am #

    blah ha ha ha ha! Having been to a park or two myself, this made me laugh! Great Post!

  51. saramitchell March 25, 2011 at 8:29 am #

    I don’t get why we as humans know this is what happens at amusement parks and yet still continue to go. I always go with the hope that it will be different, or that I have found the magic day, but I’m never right!

  52. Ashley March 25, 2011 at 8:32 am #

    Absolutely hilarious~! Sounds like a day at the YMCA would have been more fun…and cheaper:)

  53. aunaqui March 25, 2011 at 9:02 am #

    “We all truly think that we’re the crafty ones and will outsmart all those dimwits who go to the park on a Saturday or Sunday.”

    I LOVED this, because growing up, that was the exact mentality of MY parents.. only, for us, it kinda, sorta seemed half-way true.

    I don’t know which I appreciated more; your lengthy, detailed, humorous and sarcastic account of “flash-pass Friday” or the short, brief paragraph at the bottom of your post – a paragraph summarizing you, your family (the self-absorbed cat and obese dog) and your location.

    I am really glad you were freshly pressed — otherwise, I probably would have never come into contact with your blog. The other suckish million to your one would make it very difficult to find.

    Appreciated this post.. I’ll keep reading!

  54. merediiith March 25, 2011 at 10:03 am #

    my friends & i were planning a trip to cedar point in ohio. we are aiming for a weekday. you made me laugh! perhaps we are clever to not go on the “busy weekend”. just as clever as everybody else.

  55. kongsp69 March 25, 2011 at 12:01 pm #

    I’m always scared to ride a roller coaster. Shame on me.

  56. Lazar Wolf March 25, 2011 at 12:43 pm #

    I haven’t laughed this hard since I read Hitchiker’s Guide. Truly hilarious insights.

  57. Joann March 26, 2011 at 8:30 am #

    Yet another laugh out loud column. . . .

  58. lifecoachabby March 26, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

    I used to love going to six flags when I was little. Then my husband and I became youth pastors. Two years in a row we took 50 high schoolers there for a day. Crazy.

  59. IngriddAddison March 28, 2011 at 8:42 am #

    OMG!! I was there the day before (St. Patrick’s)at the same park!! Thank you for so eloquently stating everything as I was only able to have a fit of exhaustion, frustration, and pure disgust! We had taken my youngest for her birthday, yes, she is a leprechaun! NEVER AGAIN!! They didn’t even have a birthday crown for our princess!! Apparently, Charlie Sheen wouldn’t have even received the royalty treatment!! Michael, as the owner, would have atleast had some special something for a birthday child! Those ridiculous rates, the further rip off to get to the front of the line 60%, 90% or 100% quicker than the rest of the people already spending their life savings on their children just to enter the park! NEVER, EVER, EVER AGAIN!!!

  60. IngriddAddison March 28, 2011 at 8:44 am #

    Oh! And one more thing…..don’t even think about the River Walk on St. Patrick’s night with kids………another HUGE mistake!! And San Antonio is one of my favorite places in Texas!

  61. emjayandthem March 28, 2011 at 11:41 am #

    Rather stick a pin in my eye than go there! Thanks for the laugh 🙂 MJ

  62. gmomj March 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm #

    That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a long while.
    The only thing worse than Six Flags is Great Adventure. I did it once and waterboarding is a trip to Cancun compared to Great Adventure.
    We sat in an over heating car, where you can’t open the windows or the gatekeepers in open jeeps mad rush your car with bullhorns screaming at you to close your damn windows.
    The monkeys climb and pee and poo on top of your vehicle and God help you if it’s not a hard top cause they eat the top of the car.
    We saw it, ohh yes we did. Soft top car in front of us, half a dozen primates peeling the car roof off and eating it!Now who’s going to pay for that? The monkey’s uncle maybe??
    A tiger crawled under one stalled vehicle and we all 100 or so cars had to sit in the hot sun until tiggy finished his nap and sauntered off.
    Hell on earth.
    Six Flags and Great Adventure, you have all been warned.

  63. When my kids were young we would hit Great America, Wisconsin Dells, Busch Gardens etc. I do not miss those times at all. It’s like an entertainment rat race that I just couldn’t wait to get out of.

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  1. A Day at Six Flags or Waterboarding? Tough One (via oldspouse) « The Wit Continuum - March 26, 2011

    […] With the summer season coming, and the thought of theme parks flicking ever so slightly through our minds, I thought I’d post this hilarious article I found….Need a laugh? Take a few minutes…. and great weekend to all… by Roger White Spring break was winding down and nothing of major importance in the house had been destroyed, the trees in our front yard had remained free of toilet paper, the police had not been called all week to my knowledge, and no one near and dear to me had been injured, died, gotten pregnant, or been hauled to the slammer, so as a reward the wife and I decided to take our lovely daughter and a friend of hers to the nearest Six Flags amus … Read More […]

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